...

i'm not sure why, but death has been on my mind recently. or, well, maybe not the death itself, but rather some of the ways we cope with it and the implications they bear.

you know that saying about the second death the person expiriences once his name was said for the last time? yeah. obviously at it's core it's a fairly mundane pseuso-philosofical quote, something that your grandma would send you on whatsapp or whatever, but it has recently been lingering in my mind in a pretty grim right.

as much as i'm trying to escape it, in the end i'm... actually afraid of death. not of my own, but the death of others, people close to me. less so death itself, but moreso pain that comes with losing what's dear to you. i think im my life i experienced it only once, when one of my dogs died, but the grief, or perhaps moreso its imprint, is still here with me many years later. and i dread the day when i'll need to go through this again.

and this grief, i think, is sort of powering this song. it's difficult to articulate, but in it i see a story about a struggle to let go, about a spirit tied to earth by the grief of others, and held hostage by their refusal to accept the passing and release it.

the song is available on bandcamp.